Two observations, from the street

If you are a girl and a dude tells you they are afraid to walk in a certain neighborhood, telling them you will pretect them is probably a bad idea as it could be perceived as a threat to their dudeliness and shit.

Conversely, if you are a dude and are afraid of walking in a certain neighborhood, it
might just be better not to raise that with the girl you are walking with. Especially if she is wearing a lot of leather and motorcycle boots and her hobbies include different flavors of full contact martial arts, and/or she grew up in a neighborhood much tougher than the one you are in.

Bad person

Possibly my least favorite thing about dating is how you get accused of being a bad person if it doesn't work out, no matter how the breakup goes down.

I broke up with the Pushy Boy last summer by simply saying "You are being too pushy, I can't date you anymore." And I left. It should have been no surprise either, since I had been calmly explaining to him when he was making me uncomfortable every single time that he did.

Pushy recently got back in touch with me, telling me that he basically thinks I am deep down a good person even though I let the world suck the goodness out of me. No, seriously. Apparently, the only way to be a good person is by staying in a relationship with someone who is totally giving me the heebies.

When someone breaks up with me, I usually go through this long introspective - about what I did wrong, what I could have done differently, I generally at least think of a few things that I would try to do better in the future.

So I guess this guy is not just not getting the relationship he wanted, but denying himself any self-reflection or personal growth. Which is the comfort I take from being openly insulted months later. I swallowed my pride at the time of the breakup and did the whole "It's not you, it's me" thing, so I suppose I kinda did encourage this. I just didn't want to create another stalker by explaining exactly why the guy freaked me out. (Again.)

Hair.

The next time a guy tells me to grow my hair out, I'm telling him to grow his fucking penis out.

Traditionally, I have really short hair. But, I have been working on growing it out for the last year and a half. If is now chin-length and already driving me batty. I have very fine hair that looks straggly when it gets long no matter how many hours I spend on it or how many thousands of dollars in "product" I use.

I am never, ever going to have long flowing hair. But, I'm 5'8", a size 6, have 13% body fat, d-cups, and am told I am generally pretty. Why is this not enough? Oh, and throw in smart and successful, too. I get facials. I look at least five years younger than I am. I am always in way better shape than any of these dudes.

And yet, not enough. I have to have a sheath of useless HAIR all over the place that fucks me up when I'm riding my bike and becomes a liability when I am fighting to be considered pretty.

Today, I am cutting it all off. I might get laid less, but at least I won't be bothered by people who can't appreciate the me that is not my hair.

The non-fucking other girlfriend

Guys like to pretend they are saints for having female friends. This, my friends, is utter bullshit.

I was actually really really into a guy. Really thinking he could be the one. Really, really head over heels.

But, he had a non-fucking other girlfriend. His roommate was his "best friend." I finally had to start putting my foot down after one weekend where I had a work retreat and barely got any sleep, but wanted to see him so he came to my house and she texted him needing beer and suddenly we had to trudge through the rain for two hours to bring her beer. Later that night, he texted her FROM BED. No, seriously.

Turns out, she had some fucking childhood trauma that allows her to continue to manipulate him for years and years. Normal people would just get a fucking shrink, right? Instead, I get regaled with extreme tales of sex and violence from something her brother did last weekend with some other dudes that she somehow doubleteamed before and some other chicks blowing him and texting her the pictures and this isn't supposed to upset me.

So, this is somehow in his mind him being a hero or something because is her emotional support, and she's super needy. She snaps her fingers, he comes running. This apparently, is not cheating or trying to essintially date someone without fucking them, no. UGH. I try talking about this rationally and he rewards me by sneaking. Check out this IM convo where he is deliberately overly vague about meeting up with her and then when I call him on it, he not only lies to me (when I can read back through the scroll!) about what was said two minutes ago, he then blames me for his duplicity.

So yeah, I got broken up with by who I really thought was an amazing incredible guy because I asked him not to lie to me.

IM convo below:
liarpants: I'll do happy hour then come a running when you get out of class

me: i thought maybe I could take some vacation this week but now I have shit to do every day

liarpants: I'm currently having library fun.
Damnit!

me: ah. where is hoppy hour?

liarpants: The 18th Amendment

me: who ya going with?

liarpants: That cool place I was telling you about where you have to go down through the bowells of a hotel like Spinal Tap trying to find the concert.
. Maybe Bitsy and/or Elaine. We haven't actually seen eachother since like Wednesday, so we figured grabbing a beer was a good notion.

me: question.

liarpants: Shoot

me: the phrasing raises red flags for me

liarpants: Ok. How so?

me: my abusive manipulative ex used to do that
like, most people would say "i'm going to get a beer with "
the backwards nature of the saying what's up, makes me feel uncomfortable
anyway.
I gotta run.

liarpants: Yeah. That's fair. Ironically I said it that way because I know you're a little uncomfortable with it and feel like I kind of need to justify hanging out wiht her.

me: that is just plain shitty then

liarpants: I don't like the feeling.
Shitty in what regards?

me: If you start lying to me because I will get upset if you tell the truth, maybe there actually IS something wrong with the truth

liarpants: I'm not lying. We in fact haven't seen eachother since wednesday
It's more that I know you feel uncomfortable about it. And I'm trying to be accomidating to that feeling.
(Editor's note: whoa, thanks for lying to me to protect my feelings. How charming and sensitive.)

me: that's not my fault, and concealing the truth is going to make me trust you less

liarpants: I wasn't concealing the truth.

me: you weren't being up front

liarpants: That's why I said "I'm going to do happy hour with because we haven't seen eachother in awhile"

me: but. you didn't want to just tell me that up front
that is the definition of not being up front
i gotta go.

liarpants: How did I not say that up front?
Ok. We'll talk after.

me: scroll back.
you just said you were going to happy hour, I had to ask twice to find out it was with

Holy Crap

Wow, I haven't updated in close to a month! Not that I've forgotten about you, but things still seem to be going well for me in Datesburg. The Head and I are still quite happy, The Boy is still The Boy, and life is good.

I do want to post this quickly; earlier this year my friend Mike asked me to do a quick guest spot on his web-show Pwned! which I was happy to do. You'll see me at about :23 for just a few moments. I'm the one in the wedding dress wailing the crap out of Mike. Good times!



I dig the whole video, but that's because I'm kinda a geek. Your mileage may vary. Warning: Fart humor and swears ahead!

Knock on Wood

I still don't know what it is about the Head that I like, but I think I've gotten to the point where the fact that I like him is enough.

A dirty little secret: This guy really does make me happy. He makes me happy right now. And that's a good thing. I don't know if he'll make me happy tomorrow, or next month, or next year, or next decade, but for right now, I'm kinda ready to be happy.

Not that I'm loosing my head over this; as Rosa pointed out in the comments on The Big Three, you never really stop looking for flaws. And yes, this still is the "kick the tires" stage, but damn, the tires look good.

One of the things that I found while I was doing a lot of heavy dating was that dating gets boring. It's rather tedious to go into every date just waiting for the moment when it will become apparent that the guy is all wrong for me. The Head isn't boring. The sex is good. He likes my cooking. He had Thanksgiving with my family, and it was okay. We mesh really well. It's great.

So, I guess I'm going to keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, but right now, I'm going to take advantage of this being happy thing.

How strange it is.

The Big Three

The Head has been doing this thing lately where he stares deep into my eyes both before and after sex. "You make me so happy!" he tells me, as he catches his breath. He sends me cute text messages while at work, he rubs my feet, he likes my cats. Deuces, I think to myself, he's going to break out The Big Three words, and he's going to do it soon.

I tell my friend Emma about the situation, bemoaning what is to come. "I don't know Em, if he tells me that he's in love with me, I may have to kill him. I don't want that kind of drama! It's too soon anyway!"

"You should hit him with a big rock," Emma tells me. Sage advice, I feel.

So, last night, we're curled up, we've both had the day off, and the house to ourselves. There have been a few drinks, and life is good. Oh no, I think, it's going to happen now. Crap!

"You've made me happier than I think I've been in a long while, Miss M." That's not bad, I can handle that. "I feel like this could be so very right. Hrm, "think" what an odd word to use... "You amaze me Mmy! I don't get the nickname... but we'll let that slide.

We wake up this morning, and I feel like I should face this one straight on. "Say... Heady... You weren't going to pull The Big Three out last night, were you?"

"Of course not," he tells me, looking surprised. "I wouldn't do that. Pfft, I'm far too jaded to say something like that without really meaning it, and I don't want to lie to you. About anything. I figure we'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

I will admit, I got a little turned on by that.

I'm still in something of a quandary as what to do with this boy. Every time I come up with something that I'm sure will be a deal breaker, it turns out he felt the same way I did in the first place. I think I'm a little fucked up. I keep looking for reasons that the guy is all wrong for me, and instead find that he was a better match for me than I thought in the first place. Infuriating! It's as if all my dating common sense has flown out the window, and been replaced with a... a.... guy who's a fucked up and jaded as I am.

What the hell is wrong with me?